bangz mi luv: HI!
yabz love: hi!!!!!
yabz love: how are you?
yabz love: been so long
yabz love:
bangz mi luv: im ok yabz, im sory 4 making u cry last night, punish me beh
bangz mi luv:
yabz love: its alright baby..
yabz love:
yabz love:
bangz mi luv:
bangz mi luv: tag anun nako ha........ nag friendster ka noh?!
yabz love: hahahahahah
yabz love:
yabz love: no
yabz love:
bangz mi luv: ngek! nag unsa d i ka? nakay kachat lain laki?
yabz love: ahahahahahah
yabz love:
yabz love: am chatting with my bangz
yabz love: kaila ka ana niya?
bangz mi luv: wla, wa-il mna xa, hu he?
yabz love: he is the love of my life
yabz love:
bangz mi luv: really?! wa nka lain love sa imo life?(except family)
yabz love: yep!!!!!
yabz love: super!
bangz mi luv:
bangz mi luv: i love you yabz

so much fun!:))

mourning on failures
----------

i thought i was the most hardworking bitch i've known in my family. graduated from college out of my own effort working as a lab assistant and a scholar at school, i thought that was enough for me to face the world of uncertainty- or at least the demons of the dark side of the forces. life strata was never an issue as i was comfortable with what i am and what i have in life. 4 years in college taught me to accept what my family can do and where my family is in the society and understanding that there is nothing wrong with having a not so normal childhood. i was never afraid to relate my story to all my friends and sometimes to strangers i happen to interact in public vehicles or boats going to and fro little islands of cebu and bohol-of how i grew up and how i was brought up. i didn't put blame on anyone the things that i can't do simply because i don't have much choice. Life's choices left me questions that i didn't bother to search for answers because i thought it's enough that i know the whys so i didn't care about the how's. drama queen is what i call me, my family thought so.  sometimes due to my complexities even my own family's confused of who i really am. they know what food i love with which they would say varies all the time. one thing they've known for years and will never ever change though- my love for them..well, also that i change my mind in a spit second as well...
my love for them is forever, too much that i sometimes ask if i've sacrificed my own choices bec of them but of course my heart refuses to. it wasn't their choice, t'was mine and mine alone. they didn't force me or oblige me on the responsibilities expected of me as a daughter, a sibling and as a member of the society. i am a person with too much self-awareness so i know what's going on and i know where i am. fully aware of what's happening and fully know the consequences of my action. i love them so much that i can't even decipher the reason i am doing this. for guilt or for societal expectations? i really do not care.
i get tired, at 25 am really more of a mess than of a fulfilled career woman trying to make a difference in the world. a simple nudge does not awaken me anymore and i have to knock my head down so senses would come clearly as wanted.
a simple cry used to refresh me from a depressing thought or experience but now cries are simply just tears of overwhelming depression and struggles, just waters running down my cheeks. the meaning is less significant than it was years ago.
upon turning 25, realizations of my inability to love truly dawned on me, like a coral on a crystal clear water, the ones i passed by on my way to an island. seeing fault from a partner that most  the time the ideals that kept myself to a waiting status. only evident that nothing amuses or amazes my uncontented heart. from a psychlogical point of view i call it emotional unstability, to conservatives and love advocates they call it playing and to the rest they cal it modern way of LOve and LOving. my inability to keep in touch with friends dear to me. my inability to connect with my past yet dwell on it too much- gather strength from those thoughts yet taking for granted its significance thus create more perplexities than understanding.
i wanna be a superhero yet i can never be. like to daydream of what should have happened and what should happen when i know i can't have best of both worlds. imagining all the time all the quaities of past relationships rolled into 1 future man- too ideal- too good to be true.
willing to get engaged or married perhaps but afraid to compromise. 2 poles of opposite direction. 1 heart with 2 sides both dominant, both wanted to rule.

i desperately wanted to break free, i thought i was- as defined- some said i am but a carefree princess, so used of attention- a brat. my world has become smaller each day- with past heartaches coming back. with past relationships knocking. i wanna move forward- to where i can start a new. but starting is never gonna answer my open questions. either way is going to leave me empty handed and thirsty for clarifications and answers. getting all figured out is way too impossible but i've always believed in my hopeful heart. i am tired but i would never let failure succomb me- nor let frustrations eat me alive. failure is my shadow but shadow is an empty entity, something that follows and doesnt have a mind of its own. shadow will remind me that i have a brain and a heart working together, willing to eye everything.

a sequel to nick sparks- the notebook- which became a big hit...
a story of allie and noah's daughter jane whose marriage was about to fall apart.
jane was fallin' out of love for her husbands unromantic ways.
but a wedding just kept everything perfect as it should be...

must reAd...

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

 

thanks babybata for sharing this to me...

;)

outside cvg..62007..5am

 

the  sun's almost up. i can see far beyond the horizon a peek of light. Although my life literally starts earlier everyday when the sun is still in a slumber state i can still feel my day renewing once i see the light. It's so pretty, like my sister sitting on the couch caressing her tummy and talking to her 8 weeks old baby inside, singing and telling here how she lovers her. the coming out of dear sun always brings hope to my lonely heart, to my tired soul. that somewhere, sometime today i can laugh and be merry and be surprised. the light reminds me that my life isnt over yet, that i can still change the course of my destiny. there was never a day i don't question my belief about destiny, whether i agree or otherwise...another day, another chance of getting my life back and making things right and be hopeful again...everyday, a new leaf...a new possibility...
it's time to go back now...

the "mE" dilemna...

session with a friend..what you see in me and what i am honestly...

- i love to be noticed

-fickle minded

-don't care about the rules yet wanna please everyone

-sensitive and same time insensitive

- funny

-spontaneous

- segurista

-too idealistic

-story-teller

-flirt ( most of time don't even know that you're already flirting)

- dreamer

- confused, bothered

- playful (whatever that means to you)

- mind teaser

- appreciative

-strong willed weakling

- loving, caring

- opposite of both worlds

- knows a lot ( tends get bored easily)

- constantly asking questions about existence-basically don't know where to go next

 

they just love to pose...

 

i missed my old life, my old self...i miss the way i struggle and stumble to forces all around me. i was better before i can say, happier? i can feel, more inspired? i can tell, more determined? absolutely! i know i need to find more ways to re-evaluate what i want from what i need. when you're lost you tend to lose balance, scamper through the darkness and cry for desperation inside. the difficulty with this desperation is that you're not sure what really happened or what could have been wrong. suddenly you feel the surge of confusion and the need to balance, the need to cry and the need to pour it all out.

slowly i began assessing myself, asking basic questions but lately i wonder why the basic questions are always hard to answer or might be the answers are hard to accept. when you know you can do something out of it but still you don't know where to start or how to start.

i miss my old self because i know what i wanted and i focused on that, i am lost now because i did not prepare myself to these decisions and to plan further and to plan more.  i was happier because i see results in my endeavors, i am not looking through my endeavors now because the choice of career is not what i wanted. i was more determined because i started in the right track, i am weak now because i can feel that nothing is certain and still i'm sitting in the corner feeling sorry for myself...