this is not about my status in life, not about what i am when i go out and when people come in contact with me. my being single is about how i approach my life and my fate- and how i view my future from this day on. i am a very unstable woman, what i feel now is not necessarily same as tomorrow. i change my mind often than i can ever imagine. i don't know why but it's so easy for me to utter the words " i love you", "i miss you" and whatever endearment there may be. i always look so certain and so sure, so confident though inside i am rotten with doubts and uncertainties. cunning it may seem but what can i do? emotionally unsure- that is what i am. it's easy to say yes and easy to let go- but what i know is that when i care- i really do. it's even much safer to befriend me other than be my significant other-much more fun to be my friend than to be a part of the roller coaster ride.
so i have decided to be free, to be of myself's bestest friend and to be more of a confidante rather than to cause agony to some women. knew a girl who is heartbroken because i tried to grab someone from her- someone whom i thought was free and was once mine. i let them be not because i find defeat, i let them be together because i am not even sure if i can be a good girlfriend or if i can stand to what i feel and say to him. i can't afford another heart to be broken because i don't know what i want in someone.
i cannot promise to be with you, not now or maybe not forever. so instead of dealing with my heart so unsure of the path to take- i will take the unknown in my solitude. i would rather walk alone than to have someone walk with me through the darkness and not be able to hold his hand till the end. i cannot afford that, i cannot afford hurting another soul.
am i ready? may be or maybe not... i don't know...
i wanna be single and uncommitted not because i wanna attract men or partners of some sort... i don't need to establish anything because i already have them. i don't need anyone to complete me because i already am. to all those men, be faithful- if you cannot be loyal at least be honest.
i don't wanna settle with anyone because i feel lonely when i've never been alone. i wanna go back to basic rule inlife...be g o o d! or be bad...it all depends on me. and i wanna be good, i really do.
